By Saleem Mubarak
In New York, standing in line is a lifestyle and only creatures with rent control are the pigeons.
You can do a million things alone in the city, particularly without the “assistance” of real estate agents. Most of these things involve waiting–sometimes for hours, by your own choice–for coffee, bagels, Broadway, or the mere privilege of entering a second queue.
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New Yorkers proudly call this “the golden experience.” Tourists call it “free vacation.” Economists, though secretly in love with the city, call it “poor time management.”
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Plan efficiently: you have to start your day in Central Park, the sole place in Manhattan where nature and Wi-Fi exist side by side. Joggers sprint past like they’re late for a Netflix series.
Dog walkers drag enough canines to qualify as a small, unarmed militia. Somewhere, you will find a man playing the saxophone because he’s “finding himself”— a soul surely sold off by an experienced New York real estate agent.
Exploring Times Square Without Losing Your Mind
If you have succeeded in surviving this entire scenario, then it’s the right time to head to Times Square. You will find it a perfect destination to embrace with five senses at once: regret, confusion, noise, neon and the persistent smell of hot dogs.
The flashing billboards at this point, unacquainted with sky flashing and artificial intelligence, are so bright they could easily guide lost astronauts back to Earth. Here you will also see scores of tourists staring upward, seemingly hypnotized by capitalism in 8K resolution screens.
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Now is the time for a visit to the Empire State Building, the only place where visitors can pay $44 to realize just how tall buildings are. From the top, you will be able to see the Statue of Liberty, the Hudson River and approximately 300 people taking the same selfie instead of capturing a 360 view.
Food, Pizza and Street Dining Across Manhattan
After all that, no trip is complete without a slice of New York ‘fancy’ pizza.
You will find it thin, greasy and costing more than your childhood memories. Now you will have ample time to eat it proudly while balancing your latest phone, your drink, and your dignity on a street curb.
This is called “dining al fresco” in New York, no real estate agent required.
Now that you have visited these places, you might feel fancy enough. Try an art museum. Believe it or not, after visiting the Museum of Modern Art, which is full of paintings. You will surely say, “My kid could do that.” And someone near you will quickly whisper, “Yes, but your kid didn’t.”
The Subway, Nightlife and Shopping Without Real Estate Agents
For a transportation and sociology experiment, there is the subway—New York’s moving art installation. There you’ll see everything: a woman selling candy, a man playing the violin and a raccoon who clearly just finished his shift. The MTA proudly calls it “delays,” but we will call it “bonding time.”
After wandering in these locales, now comes nightlife: you can’t go wrong with a rooftop bar. You’ll need to pay $28 for a drink that comes with a view and a side of mild frostbite.
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How is it possible to leave this place without shopping? But beware: during your spree, avoid the assistance of real estate agents of New York– you can find them clinging to Time Square billboards trying to convince the models on the signs to purchase a condo.
Try to avoid the attractive clothing stores in SoHo. Their clothes look secondhand but cost a firstborn child.
If you want to feel truly local, try launching a few complaints. A brief research will reveal that it’s the city’s favorite sport. You will find people complaining about real estate agents, surging rent, the mayor, the weather—whatever’s handy.
People in New York may be busy, tough and always on the move, but the moment they share a complaint, they instantly become allies. Their mutual dissatisfaction is their final satisfaction.
By the end of the trip to New York, you’ll have blisters, credit card debt and a tote bag that says “I ♥ NY.” And you’ll genuinely mean it.
Despite the odds, the chaos and the clutter, New York will make you feel alive—right before it takes your wallet (but you can bet those real estate agents are watching).
After all, you have to accept that there’s no city quite like New York. It is the sole place on earth (still not completely safe from real estate agents) where dreams come true… usually for someone else.
Author Profile
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The writer is a real estate journalist specializing in all types of New York City properties, including luxury residences, commercial spaces, and homes.
He also writes humorous articles about real estate, investors, and realtors.
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