New York Real Estate Satire: Architects and Money

By Saleem Mubarak

Architects and Money often make a dramatic pair — one builds dreams while the other quietly disappears behind invoices and creative fees.

Architects can design your dream home—but they’ll charge you enough to make you wish you’d stayed in a cardboard box, preferably one with the ability to zoom in and out.

Like real estate agents, architects also excel at selling their vision to “unsuspecting” people. They charge a fortune to design any kind of building—but when it’s time for them to pay someone else, they will immediately remember that “simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

Architect showing clients a dream home made of invoices — satire on design costs.

If you want to test their philosophy, just ask an architect to design your kitchen and he’ll hand you an invoice large enough to finance a small town. And when you ask him to pay for his own coffee, he will abruptly offer to “sketch a concept instead.”

The Economics of Architectural Creativity

It’s not that every architect is stingy– you will find that they’re simply super careful about every dollar. Like an economist, they believe every dollar has a form, a function, and more than that, a structural integrity that must never be compromised, come what may.

You have to switch on your calculator when an architect says something will “cost around $10,000.” You must understand without any doubt that it means $10,000 for the idea, another $5,000 for the inspiration.

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Finally, you have to arrange $20,000 extra–not for drawing–for the precious time the architect spent simply staring thoughtfully at the ceiling before drawing a single line, easily erased at any time.

After receiving the bill, the same man who claimed to be designing a perfect 40-story building acts as if he’s never seen numbers before.

Architect handing client a huge invoice for a simple sketch — satire on creative fees.

Architects and Money: A Comedy in Blueprints

During a conversation, one of my friends recalled an architect asking him to optimize his Google Business Profile. When my friend sent a modest fee request, the architect replied, “That’s absurd. For that much, I could hire a contractor to demolish my ethics.”

That’s the ‘golden’ thing about architects—they believe the only thing that should ever be demolished is you and your budget.

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Inside the Minimalist World of Architects

Upon visiting their offices, you’ll find that the furniture is minimal, the lighting moody, and the architect himself often wears black instead of using a different colour. This is not because the architect is always in mourning–he is just waiting for a client to pay his outstanding service dues.

A lovely phrase most architects use, “It’s just a concept.” You must have ample knowledge to roughly translate it: “You can’t live in it, you can’t afford it, but you’ll definitely pay for it.”

Creative Fees, Empty Wallets, and Eternal Admiration

You have to pay the “creative fee” to the architect and nobody knows what it is, how it’s calculated, or what factors cause it to increase every time you ask a question. It’s like the service charge at a five-star restaurant, except the steak here is made of glass and steel. Still, you have to hand it to them.

Like real estate agents of New York, architects are also ‘capable’ of turning an empty plot into a masterpiece that can generate passive income forever. They are also able to turn a healthy bank account into a memory.

Geometry and justification are also at their fingertips; they can easily turn a missing payment into a “design challenge” and a late fee issue into an “aesthetic disagreement.”

When they owe you something, you will notice that their generosity shines like a diamond. They’ll waste no time in offering “exposure,” “collaboration,” or a “chance to be part of a creative journey.” Translation: you’ll work for free, but your soul will have an excellent view. I believe the points are sufficiently clear.

Architect living in a tent beside a glass skyscraper — satire on design and money.

Admiring the Genius of Empty Wallets

In the end, we have no other option but to admire them–it is a must. It takes real genius to design cathedrals of glass while living in a moral tent.

So be careful in the future: if an architect offers to pay you “in ideas,” take it without any hesitation. Because if you dare to insist on cash, he might redesign your entire life so beautifully, leaving you in a position that you can no longer afford to live in.

After all, who needs money when you have perfect symmetry and a three-dimensional rendering of your bankruptcy?

Author Profile

Saleem Mubarak: The writer is a real estate journalist specializing in all types of New York City properties, including luxury residences, commercial spaces, and homes.

He also writes humorous articles about real estate, investors, and realtors.