By Saleem Mubarak
In the world of real estate, it’s not just about finding a house — it’s about surviving the people who promise to find it for you.
People are convinced that choosing a realtor across the U.S. is a big decision and if you truly care about your sanity, your pocket and particularly your grandmother’s health, then you must be careful – artificial intelligence is here for your service.
After all, choosing a realtor matters when your home dreams and financial peace are on the line.
The Comedy Behind Real Estate Promises
Even when talking about open-heart surgery, realtors will try to find a place in the heart of the patient for rent. The realtors have heard sentiments similar to lovers’ dramatic declarations multiple times, such as the heated exchange that claims, “There is no place for him or her in my heart now.”
They are masters of talking with the same tone people use when discussing any other issue.
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Amid this situation, try to remain honest — it’s not just that you’re choosing a realtor; in reality, you’re searching for someone who will – without wasting even a second – either take you to your dream home or arrange you a shed having great facilities and “tremendous potential of resale.”
Two Kinds of Realtors You’ll Meet
Keep in mind always that you will find two kinds of realtors in this world. The first kind are those who only sell houses and others are those who sell hope with impunity. It will be difficult for you to tell the difference.
Just to lure their clients, they both have shiny smiles, the traditional words “trust me,” and both drive cars with plenty of brochures to wallpaper the Great Wall of China.
When “Neighborhood Experts” and “Top Producers” Take Over
Instead of responding to their queries immediately, just listen to them carefully as your first realtor will leave no stone unturned to assure that he will “find you the perfect home.” That’s realtor-speak for “I’ll show you fifteen places, and after inspecting them you’ll hate thirteen of them.” The other two places? “Pending” — which is their way of saying, “You should have started this hunt in 1998.”
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Then you will meet the “neighborhood expert” who knows every nook and corner of the area, including the coffee shops, every school rating and every dog and cat within a three-mile radius.
He’ll paint himself as an encyclopedia of the locality and tell you things like, “This area has real character.” Translation: “The mayor has a pothole named after him.”

Now comes another popular breed, the “Top Producer,” and one can easily identify them by their headshots — always mid-laugh. Their appearance will reflect as if real estate is one big party where everyone gets rich overnight.
They’ll not hesitate to proudly mention that last year they easily sold sixty houses. What they won’t mention at any cost is that none of those buyers has ever returned to them – not even for Christmas wishes – since they made deals.
Philosophers and Motivational Realtors
Believe it or not, some realtors are part-time philosophers. How? You can easily explore their philosophical approach by asking about the market and they’ll generously say, “It’s all about timing.”
Ask about prices and they’ll immediately mutter, “The market is what the market is.” Ask if the house has termites, and instead of a direct reply, they’ll chuckle and say, “Every property has its pros and cons.”
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The story isn’t concluded yet, as you will find some realtors who don’t know a lot about the real estate market but effectively act like motivational speakers. Without even ascertaining your needs, they will immediately say, “You can see yourself living here.”
Even when you stare at a kitchen smaller than your first apartment, they will keep telling you how spacious the house is. They will continue, maintaining intense eye contact, “Imagine the memories you’ll make.” Sensing the situation, you will start calculating how much therapy you’ll need after closing.

Why Choosing a Realtor Matters in the End
In the end, it does not really matter who your realtor is. The point to ponder is how you can tolerate pressure and optimism during the dealing. Some buyers need guidance, which such realtors don’t give without a fee. Others just want someone to hold their hand and say, “Yes, that’s mold — but the healing kind.”
If you’re lucky, you’ll find the rare realtor who dares to tell the truth, even when it’s better for them not to. The one who strives to look you straight in the eye and says, “This house ain’t worth the driveway it stands on.”
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Of course, these types are usually dismissed halfway through the showing, and it’s a fact.
So, do realtor selections really matter? You bet. The difference is between buying a home and starring in the reality series House Hunters Gone Wrong.
And keep in mind — the best realtor isn’t the one who finds you the best house. It’s the one who tells you the truth, come what may, even when it stings.
Author Profile

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The writer is a real estate journalist specializing in all types of New York City properties, including luxury residences, commercial spaces, and homes.
He also writes humorous articles about real estate, investors, and realtors.
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